In Oct 2013, I had a dream in which I came face to face with Jesus. It was breath taking! I can still feel him looking at me even though I could not describe his face with words. I can feel his crystal clear stare. He said to me, “Numbers 11:9.” Then, I woke up. I looked up the verse and my world came CRASHING down. Numbers 11:9 of the ESV translation states: “When the dew fell upon the camp in the night, the manna fell with it.” Oh what a promise!! Miraculous manna every day! BUT . . . guess where the manna fell? In. The. Desert. “Must I traverse the desert? AGAIN?” I felt I had just left the desert from dealing with my father’s (Jack Frost) death.
Within weeks of this dream, we get the best news. I was pregnant! Within weeks of that, I was bedridden. We then found out that its much more than we thought, and we spent the next 9 months fighting for our child. Doctors said that he would likely be born early and the hope was he would make it to 25 weeks. 5 times we almost lost him. I was so angry with God. Instead of looking for the manna each day, I separated my heart from my help. Mister High and Mighty sitting up there with all that power and me struggling down here. So, I spent the next almost year in bed with very little peace.
Jack was born full term! And in much better health than they expected. Two weeks in though, a new kind of fun started. Projectile vomiting. I had no idea that a tiny human could spew so much and so far! He would aspirate on the vomit and I would have to do the baby Heimlich. Sleep mostly happened with Doug and me taking turns sleeping in a recliner so Jack could be upright.
Well, we made it through that. Then, I almost died from complications stemming from a bile duct issue. But only almost. Then, a few weeks ago, across my Facebook feed, came one of their "memories" where they show you things you posted in the past. The post that popped up was my post about Numbers 11:9, a full 2 years after getting it. Like cold water to the face, I realized that my running from God and the manna was a huge mistake! I missed so many opportunities for peace and joy. And I caused great harm to my heart by hiding. So, I am taking it as a do over. Now, I am looking for manna.
As a result of almost dying, we have incurred a LOT of medical bills that my insurance does not cover. A few weeks ago a new one arrived in the mail with a minimum payment of $650 in 2 weeks. I was gutted. But this time, I had my manna verse. So, every day we prayed for manna for this bill. We prayed for the $650 needed by the 28th. I searched every morning and I wrote down the manna we received in my new testimony notebook. And guess what . . . we did NOT receive any money to pay that bill!! I laid on the couch on the 28th and cried. Like an Israelite, I complained. I was looking for meat when I needed manna.
Recently, I have been having a conflict with a very important person in my life. It is an old conflict revisited. Mistakes were made with both parties. The way things were left just felt unfixable forever. It had been eating me up inside for days. Miraculously, later that same day, quite unexpectedly for us both, we were able to sit down and fix it face to face. Something, we had never been able to do! There has been such a release of pressure on them, my family, and me.
A peace has come that $650 would not give me at this moment because there will still be thousands more there tomorrow! That $650 would just have been a band-aid on a 3rd degree burn. But, this resolution was manna! And this time, I saw it right away and responded with thanksgiving instead of “you do not love me.”
Manna IS a miracle! But because it’s the same thing everyday for 40 years, it seems mundane. Manna to me is vegetables. It’s not meat, cookies, or even fruit. And its definitely not cake! Its vegetables that sustain, heal, and give life. I got my manna for that day. I just got it in a different way than I wanted or expected. Are you missing out seeing the manna because like me, you have been focused on what has not happened your way in your timing?
To want things done the way you want them rather than trusting is Orphan thinking. Trust is scary. Lacking trust in those close to you is a sign of an Orphan Mindset. Its called independence. Trust means you have to let people in. Sons and daughters are able to be vulnerable and trust for manna that fits their need even if it is not what they want.
Help us Father to trust in your heart. To trust that you have our best in mind even when we do not understand. Help us to see the manna and celebrate it! *Read the unabridged article here
Doug came on staff in December 2009 as the new Executive Director of Shiloh Place Ministries. Doug was married to Sarah Frost in October 2003. It was Sarah that first introduced the message of Father’s Love and healing to Doug through sharing her father’s testimony tape and the Breaking Free series with him.